Eye of the Chicken
by lifesbutawalkingshadow
Summary: Sakura's from the future, Naruto has a bloodline, Kakashi has access to firearms and Sasuke was raised by Guy. Now, they're on a mission. No one's really sure exactly what that mission is, but they're definitely on it, and it somehow involves a giant, invincible chicken. Shenanigans ensue. Missiony shenanigans.
1. Chapter 1

It was a fine, hot day in Konoha, and Team Seven were just finishing off their day's training.

"Gah! C'mon, Kakashi-sensei, let us have our C-rank already!" Naruto groused, rubbing his head. "I swear, that beagle you make me walk is plotting something!"

From his position leaning up against a tree, Kakashi shrugged. "Mah, even if you're right, it lacks opposable thumbs. What can it do?"

"Naruto. Beagles can't plot. Their brains aren't advanced enough." Sakura said primly.

Naruto walked up to her and raised a damning finger. "Sakura, you know I think you're fantastic, but it is people like you who will bring about the beaglepocalypse. You have been warned!"

Sasuke didn't judge the conversation topic worthy of a response.

Suddenly, the cloudless sky crackled. A huge pink beam of light descended from the heavens, transfixing Sakura and raising her up into the sky. A wave of energy flew out of her body, smacking Naruto, Sasuke and Kakashi in their respective faces.

Then the light disappeared and Sakura fell to the ground with a thud.

"Oow..."

Sakura got to her feet, brushing herself off. Then, she noticed her colleagues standing around her, and her eyes widened. "It... worked? It worked! Hahahahaha!"

Naruto, who had just recovered from the energy blast to the face, shook his head in confusion. "What worked? What happened?"

Sakura spun to face him, a manic grin on her face.

"Time travel!" she chirped.

Twirling on the ball of her foot, Sakura leapt through the air and landed next to Sasuke, who was still in a daze. "Sasuke! Good news!"

"Wha..." Sasuke muttered.

Sakura gave him a thumbs up. "You are the inheritor of Uchihahax! Your Uchiha blood allows you to do anything! You can have a Rinnegan, and attach external body parts instantly, and master Sage mode in seconds!"

"What do you... anything?"

"ANYTHING! Also, Guy-sensei adopted you after the Massacre, and you both had your memories sealed because you were too annoying!" Sakura's hand was suddenly glowing with chakra, and she slapped Sasuke's head. "Fixed!"

Sasuke blinked. Then, he straightened, and his normally cold face was suddenly filled with emotion. "I... remember. Guy-sensei."

Sakura nodded sympathetically. "His seal should have dispelled at the same moment. Give it a second..."

All of a sudden, a green blur shot out of the trees at the corner of the training field. Guy, tears streaming from his eyes, ran towards his son. "Sasuke!"

Sasuke returned the call. "Guy-sensei!"

"Sasuke!"

"Guy-sensei!"

Another green blur appeared, and quickly became apparent as an also-crying Rock Lee. "Fellow Disciple Sasuke! Guy-sensei!"

"Lee!"

"GUY-SENSEI!"

"SASUKE!"

"LEE-SENSEI!"

"GUY!"

"LEE-SASUKE!

"LEE-GUY!"

The three embraced, and the sunset was glorious.

Sakura ran over to where Naruto was standing, open mouthed in shock. "Naruto! I also have good news for you! Turns out, you have a bloodline!"

"What?"

Sakura tapped him on the head with her chakra-hand.

He shook his head, as if clearing cobwebs. "I feel... different. What did... bloodline?"

Sakura raised her hands into a seal and disappeared in a yellow flash, then reappeared seconds later carrying a chicken. The chicken cocked its head to the side, and made a slightly worried clucking noise.

Naruto blinked. "Where did you go? And why do you have Mr Cluckers?"

"Raise your hand and channel chakra at him." Sakura said.

"What sort of chakra?"

"Any chakra!"

Still in the shocked frame of mind where he would do literally anything asked of him, Naruto did so. There was a great puff, and suddenly the chicken was the size of a horse.

Sakura pulled out a kunai, and tossed it at Mr Cluckers. It bounced off his feathers with a soft ping. "Mr Cluckers' is now your faithful servant. He will obey every command you give him!"

Naruto looked at her with wondering eyes. "Can... can I ride him."

"Yes. Yes, you can."

Naruto nearly has a seizure out of sheer joy, then leapt atop the chicken's back. "Come Mr Cluckers! We must away!"

The chicken took off in a run. And so, a beautiful partnership was born, a bond of honour, friendship and trust between two noble champions of justice!

Their first quest would be freaking out the old lady who lived next door. She was awful.

Finally, Sakura turned to Kakashi, who was attempting genjutsu dispels like his life depended on it. "Ah, Kakashi, Kakashi, Kakashi. Hey."

"Sakura." Kakashi said slowly, his whole body tense. "Calm down. I need you to explain what's happening. This isn't you."

Sakura took a deep breath, and was suddenly... less. The manic aura the she had been exuding ever since the pink energy hit her seemed to fade somewhat. "Alright. How about this, Kakashi-sensei? I'm from the future, I picked up the Hirashin from a scroll, and the time travel method that I used has the side effect of permanently making you slightly loopy."

"Loopy?"

"Yep! Screws up your brain! It's actually taking a huge amount of effort to talk to you like this. You three all got hit by that pink stuff too, so you'll probably start feeling the effects soon."

Kakashi blinked. "What?"

Sakura's energy started rising again. "Pretty dark, neh? Except, it's actually tremendous fun! I'm only doing this because I thought it might calm you down. Now, I have some good news and some bad news!"

Sakura raised her hands into a seal, and a scroll popped out of the air. "Good news, your family has a summoning scroll! And it doesn't conflict with your current one! It summons cool stuff! Quick, sign it."

Kakashi did so, not quite sure why he was doing so.

"Nice! Now, bad news is Obito Uchiha is alive and he's evil, now I need to go join this hug, thanks, bye!"

"But... what... who sealed Sasuke's memories?"

"Who knows!"

Sakura took off towards the group hug, which had only become more glorious in the interim. "Sasuke! Lee!"

"Sakura-san!"

"Guy-sensei!"

Kakashi looked down at the scroll. "Obito...?"

Then, and once again not sure why he was doing so, he followed the summoning instructions. And then, when the resulting cloud of summoning smoke cleared, he was holding the handle of a long, metal thing the likes of which he'd never seen before. There was a helpful red tag attached- Minigun, aim and fire.

He turned towards a stray boulder, and did so. There was a whirring noise, and then, the boulder was gone.

"Heh... heheheh..."

"Kakashi!" Sakura's voice came from the hug, which was now attracting wildlife with its brilliance. "You get two hours! Then, we launch Operation Whack-a-Mole! Haha!"

* * *

Kabuto was just finishing up his paperwork for the day when the door to the office opened, and a pink-haired girl stepped in. She was wearing a brown cap, carrying a large magnifying glass and smoking what seemed to be a pipe.

"Can I help you with something?" he asked.

Sakura raised a finger. "Shh! I'm hunting moles."

"Wha..."

"Shhh!"

Slightly bemused, Kabuto went silent. Sakura roved about the room, looking under cabinets, behind chairs and up at the ceiling. Finally, she stopped in front of Kabuto, and she examined him. A look of excitement lit her face.

"Naruto, the mole has been found." she said, speaking into the wireless microphone on her throat. "Send in Mr Cluckers."

A crackly voice came through. "Roger that. Cluckers is inbound, ETA 5 seconds."

There was a moment of frozen silence. Then, the head of a gigantic chicken exploded upwards through the floor under Kabuto's desk, sending it flying off to the side.

Mr Cluckers looked at Kabuto with a beady yellow eye. "Bawk..."

Then, it lashed out. Kabuto leapt backwards, just in time to stop the terrifying beak from closing around his leg.

A heavy thud came from his left. Still moving from the last jump, Kabuto had to leap away again, this time to avoid being brained by the gigantic wooden hammer clasped within the hands of Sakura Haruno.

"Whack-a-mole!" she yelled.

The chicken head burst through the floor again. "Bawk!"

Flinging himself through the door, Kabuto fled through the building. Sakura chased after him like a maniacal, hammer-wielding valkyrie. "Whack-a-mole! Whack-a-mole! Whack-a-mole!"

Racing up the stairs, Kabuto flung the door of the roof open. He wasn't going to waste time taking the chicken on in combat; his cover had been blown, and every second was precious. He needed to get out of...

A whirring noise interrupted his thoughts, and a huge, metal monstrosity rose up from behind the building to face him. The thing was some sort of machine, with a long, thin body, wings on each side and a spinning set of blades on the top keeping it aloft. It had the word 'helicopter' written across the front in large, golden letters.

Kakashi was sitting behind the control panel. Grinning, he pressed down on a button.

A storm of metal projectiles screamed out of the six barrels that lined the wings. Kabuto yelped, the bullets grazing his skin as he leapt out of the way. Flipping up onto a large, metal container, he sprinted across the rooftop. Kakashi gave chase, laughing maniacally as the helicopter juddered underneath him.

Kabuto reached the edge and flung himself into space. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an enormous glowing purple foot slammed into his stomach, sending him flying back through the air.

"Susanoo Dynamic Entry!" Sasuke yelled.

Kabuto landed hard, his usually calm eyes shining with confusion and panic. "Susanoo? What..."

"Uchihahax!" Sakura voice wafted down from the hospital rooftop.

"The Mangekyo..."

"Uchihahax!"

"But he doesn't even have the Sha..."

"Uchihahax! Also, Mr Cluckers tried to fight his hair."

"But..."

"Apparently, it thought it was a duck, sworn enemy of chickenkind." Sakura landed on the gravel in front of Kabuto with a crunch, mallet slung over her shoulder. "Scared the hell out of him."

"Stop talking, Sakura." Sasuke appeared from Kabuto's right, the purple flames of Susanoo flaring around him. "Or you'll get to witness first-hand my Power of Youth."

"Team Cluckers, Assemble!" Naruto and Mr Cluckers appeared out of the gloom behind Kabuto.

"Mah, Naruto, that hardly seems fair. I liked Team Seven." Kakashi's helicopter lowered itself to Kabuto's left, his loudspeaker-enhanced voice coming out of a cone on the helicopter's roof.

Kabuto raised his hands. Fighting this would be suicide.

"I surrender!" he yelled to Kakashi. Or tried to. His voice couldn't be heard above the whir of the helicopter.

Somehow, though, he could hear everyone else's.

"Look out, he's got hands!"

"Code Youth!"

"Take him down!"

"Bkkaw!"

There was a flash of yellow, and Sakura's mallet slammed into his head. Kabuto sunk to the ground, and knew no more.

Kakashi desummoned his helicopter, and fell to the ground. "You didn't kill him, did you?"

Sakura grinned. "Of course not! We don't kill people!"

"We don't?"

"Nope! We rehabilitate them! That's why that helicopter shoots rubber bullets!"

Naruto scratched the back of his head. "So, what now?"

"Well, first we go see Hiruzen Sarutobi. Then," Sakura gave him a thumbs-up. "We go to Wave!"

"Wave?" Sasuke asked.

"WAVE!" Sakura yelled.

"Wave." Kakashi shrugged.

"WAAAAAAAVE!" Sakura screamed, raising her clenched fists to the heavens.

...

..

...

"We're going to _Wave_ Country."

* * *

So, yep, this happened. It didn't need to happen, it maybe even shouldn't have happened, but it happened. And I thought it might be fun to take a break from the heady, emotional stuff of Failed Reset (my other, much more serious story on time travel). Because this is a nice story. And nobody dies in a nice story.

Also, I am aware of the existence of Clucky. Memories of his existence hit me about half-way through this story. It may have been a factor, and I understand if you are feeling disgruntled about it. Please do not message me about it.

...

..

...

They're going to _Wave_ Country.


	2. Chapter 2

"Wave!" Sakura skipped into the Hokage's office.

Hiruzen Sarutobi looked up from his desk. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." Sakura tapped her shin. "Hey, you know how you had that mole problem down at the hospital?"

Hiruzen blinked. "No, I..."

"I fixed it for you!" Sakura reached around the doorframe and yanked an unconscious Kabuto into the room. At some point, he had been placed inside a large, brown mole costume.

Daikoku, the jonin sitting to to the Hokage's left, leapt to his feet. "What..."

"He's working for Hissy McSlitherington the Third." Sakura said.

"She means Orochimaru." Kakashi stepped into the room after her, followed by Sasuke, Naruto and a giant chicken. "She's not kidding, either."

"Do you have any evidence?" Hiruzen asked.

"The horse's mouth itself!" Sakura exclaimed. Reaching down, she grabbed Kabuto's chin, and began opening and closing his mouth. "Hi, I'm Kabuto! I work for Orochimaru and Sasori, and I'm secretly more insecure than a bulimic high-school girl!"

She froze, then straightened, leveling a finger at Daikoku. "No. That's too far. Bulimia may seem like a good topic for comedy from the outside, but it's actually a serious psychological disorder that ruins peoples' lives. How dare you, Daikoku. How _dare_ you."

"What... I didn't..." Daikoku spluttered.

"Enough." Hiruzen said sharply.

"Okay." Sakura shrugged, then tossed a pile of papers onto Hiruzen's desk. "This conversation is now boring me, so I'll make this quick. I'm from the future, I'm building a rehabilitation center in the Uchiha area, Obito Uchiha is still alive, Naruto knows about the Kyuubi..."

"The Kyuu-whatnot?" Naruto cut in.

""Ah." Sakura rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, I... uh, that one kind of slipped through the cracks. It seemed kind of self-evident. Anyway, those papers will answer every question you have, and we are going to...

She took a deep, shuddering breath. "...Wave Country."

"Wha..." Hiruzen began.

"Just look at the papers." Sakura said.

"But..."

"PAPERS!"

Hiruzen scanned the first page.

_Sakura takes a deep, shuddering breath. "...Wave Country."_

_"Wha..." Hiruzen begins._

_"Just look at the papers." Sakura says._

_"But..."_

_"PAPERS!"_

_"But... how did you..."_

_"Uchihahax!"_

Hiruzen looked up. She'd predicted everything he'd said. "But... how did you..."

"Uchihahax!" Sakura chortled happily.

Hiruzen looked back down at a random line.

_Hiruzen skips down the page, then looks up to see Naruto, Sasuke and Mr Cluckers performing a choreographed dance routine._

He looked up. Naruto, Sasuke and the giant chicken were standing in a line, stepping from side to side in simultaneous motions as they swung their arms from side to side. The chicken was now wearing a white top hat. Kakashi nodded his head and clicked in the background.

Mr Cluckers provided the soundtrack. "Bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak! Bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak, bwak-bwak-bwak-bwak, bwak-bwak!"

"It's a dangerous power you've been given there. Use it responsibly." Sakura said. "Anyway, we're going to leave now. I'm going to requisition a cart of food before I go, kay?"

"Go whe..."

The door to the office creaked open, and an old man carrying a bottle stepped in. "What's this. They're..."

"Tazuna!" Sakura leapt to his side, grabbing his arm. "Come, Team Cluckers, Gato awaits!"

Tazuna went ghost-white. "Gato?"

The rest of Team Cluckers shot to her side, and they all vanished in a flash of yellow. And Hiruzen, for the first time in decades, was left completely speechless.

* * *

Squeezed in between Naruto and Mr Cluckers, Tazuna tried very hard not to breathe as the large, metal machine that they were in lurched forward, gaining speed. It had the word 'Humvee' written across the roof in large, golden letters.

Kakashi was up on the mounted gun on the roof, grey hair whipping about in the air. Sakura was in the front seat, hands gripping the steering wheel as she laughed in delight. The rest of the vehicle was, for whatever reason, filled from top to bottom with food, medicine and textbooks.

Mr Cluckers turned to look at him. The chicken was now wearing a pair of sunglasses, a black jacket, and a grey riding scarf. "Bkaw?"

Tazuna shrank back further.

"Where's... where's the other one?" he whispered.

Sakura turned back to look at him. "Sasuke? He's staying behind for now, both to spend some quality time with Guy and to make sure the Sandaime doesn't put out a hit on me for abandoning the village and telling Naruto he's the Kyuubi jinchuriki. Plus, he has some stuff to prepare. Don't worry, he'll be there for the endgame."

She shot Naruto a look. "This does mean that we won't have the Uchihahax with us, so keep that in mind!"

"Eyes on the road! Eyes on the road!" Tazuna yelled.

"Hm? Oh, right!" Sakura swerved to the side, narrowly avoiding pancaking Nara Shikamaru. "Say, why don't we put on a little music! That'll brighten things up!"

She flicked on the radio. Immediately, a song in a style that Tazuna had never come across came blasting out of the speakers.

"Oh, I love this one!" Sakura yelled, and began singing along. "I am strong, strong! I am invincible, invincible!"

Naruto joined in. "I am woman! Oh, I am woman!"

The car took off out of Konoha's gates and headed off down the track, the sounds of singing echoing around the forest. "I am invincible! I am strong! I am woman! Hear me roar!"

* * *

For the seventy-eighth time, the same song crackled into life.

I am woman, hear me roar! In numbers too big to ignore!" Sakura sung. "And I know too much to go back an' pretend! Cause I've..."

Suddenly something caught her eye, and she flicked the radio off. "Oh hey, a puddle! Cluckers, take the wheel!"

There was a flash of yellow, and Sakura disappeared in a flash of yellow. Mr Cluckers turned to Tazuna, a confused look on its face. It gave a chickeny shrug.

Tazuna screamed.

Kakashi flipped down off the roof and took the wheel. A second later, Sakura reappeared. "Well, that's Gozu and Meizu dealt with. I sent them back to Sasuke."

Kakashi made a noise of amusement.

"And check it out." Sakura lifted a pair of rebreathers. "Gas masks! Awesome!"

She tossed one of them to Naruto, placing the other one on her face. "His hill he herfect hor ha hi-halong!" she chirped, voice distorted by the mask.

It took a moment for Tazuna to decipher her words. "Oh god, please no, please don't turn it on again!"

But it was no use. In an instant, the radio was back on, and Sakura and Naruto were singing along again, this time with distorted voices. "Hi ham hong! Hi ham homan! Hear he hoar!"

Tazuna buried his face in his hands.

* * *

"Yar, Wave Country ahoy!" Sakura waved her cutlass at the approaching shoreline.

The ship pulled into land, and Tazuna stumbled out, falling to the ground. They'd desummoned the Humvee earlier, replacing it with an enormous boat that carried them the rest of the way. Already aware of where Zabuza and Haku were going to be, Sakura had elected to simply take a different route this time. There was no hurry, after all.

The four present members of Team Cluckers leapt to shore. Sakura waved her hands about. "Naruto, Cluckers, go put on those squid costumes I bought and begin distributing food and medicine! Kakashi, Tazuna, you come with me! We have things to do!"

Sakura ran off, Kakashi in tow. Tazuna followed, not sure entirely what else to do. As they walked through the town, Sakura began beating a drum. A crowd materialized behind her, curious what was going on.

They reached the shore. The unfinished bridge stretched out in front of them.

"So, this is the bridge, huh?" Sakura said, shading her eyes with her hands.

Tazuna nodded. "That is correct."

"Hm."

"...what?"

"It's... well..."

"What?"

Sakura turned towards him, a look of serious contemplation on her face. "Look, Tazuna, your bridge is pretty cool. But do you know what's even better than a bridge?"

Tazuna had a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. "What?"

Sakura grinned at him, her eyes terrifyingly wide. "ALL THE BRIDGES! Kakashi?"

Kakashi cut his thumb, and drove it into the ground. "Summoning!"'

There was a loud banging noise, and the entire town was suddenly covered in white smoke.

Then it cleared, and Tazuna nearly fainted.

Bridges. The entire shoreline had been covered in bridges. From the northern tip to the southern mangroves, a thousand bridges of every variety stretched out over the sea towards Fire Country. There were beam bridges and arch bridges, suspension bridges and cantilever bridges, metal bridges, wooden bridges, even one bridge that appeared to be made of pasta.

Kakashi swayed on his feet, then fell to the ground. "A couple of those... go to Snow Country... don't know... which ones."

"That's okay Kakashi, you rest now. We're just lucky that Sasuke was able to Uchihahax your summoning contract before we left." Sakura said, then turned to face the crowd. "People of Wave Country! We have brought you bridges! Many, many bridges! We request only one thing in return! That we be able to name the bridges, and name them all the same thing!

The crowd were silent. Then, one guy shrugged. "Eh, okay."

"Cool." Sakura reached into her shirt, and pulled out a pair of scissors. "In that case, I now declare the Currently Undergoing Essential Maintenance Do Not Cross Bridge open!"

She mimed the snipping of a ribbon. The words 'Currently Undergoing Essential Maintenance, Do Not Cross Bridge' appeared in bright yellow letters on each bridge.

Sakura looked out at the sea of flabbergasted faces. Then, she giggled.

"Eheheh. Hear me roar."

* * *

I'd just like to have it noted that I was threatened in the reviews with having rubber daleks shoot me with the 'make and upload a new chapter' beam, so really, I didn't have much of a choice.

The song that this story refers to is, of course, _I Am Woman_ by Helen Reddy. You may want to go look it up.

Note: My attempts to upload this chapter have been met with incredible levels of bugginess. Sorry if anyone has been inconvenienced.


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